Menopause Is the Hardest Job You Never Applied For
The only job where quitting isn’t an option
If you’ve ever wanted to know what it’s like to clock in for a job you never applied for, congratulations—you’ve found it. Menopause. The hours are unpredictable, the workload is overwhelming, and there is no benefits package.
In most jobs, you usually get a training manual, maybe even a welcome email. Menopause? Nah. No handbook, no orientation, no HR department ready to ease you in. You’re simply thrown into the deep end and expected to manage a constantly growing list of symptoms while keeping life on track like nothing’s happening.
The daily agenda looks a little like this:
- Meetings with Anxiety (always runs over schedule).
- Catch-ups with Insomnia (usually in the middle of the night).
- Performance reviews from Mood Swings (spoiler: you’re failing).
And don’t even get me started on the job description—it changes daily.
The Morning Shift
In most workplaces, the day starts at a predictable time. Menopause, however, clocks you in the second you open your eyes. After a night of “sleep” (i.e: tossing, turning, restless legs, and overthinking), you drag yourself out of bed already exhausted.
The uniform? Pjs damp with sweat.
The first task of the day? Wrestling with aches, fatigue, and a rollercoaster of moods—all before coffee.
Mid-Morning
Most jobs love a good multi-tasker. Menopause laughs at multi-tasking. Enter: brain fog. One minute you’re writing an email, the next you’re staring blankly at the screen wondering why you opened the laptop in the first place.
And forget scheduled breaks. Menopause doesn’t “do” breaks. The closest thing you get to a morning tea is sprinting to the bathroom (again), thanks to a bladder that now works on its own mysterious timetable.
The Afternoon Slump
Every workplace has that annoying 3pm crash. At Menopause HQ, it shows up early—around 1pm. One minute you’re powering through, the next your energy is gone so fast it’s like someone’s pulled your power cord straight out of the wall.
Suddenly, basic chores feel like extreme sports. Laundry? Out of the question. Cleaning? Dream on. Letterbox run? Only if there’s a medal at the finish line and a cheer squad waiting with snacks.
And then—boom—the mood swings arrive right on schedule. One second you’re fine, the next you’re two seconds away from throwing your laptop across the room because—surprise, surprise—it refuses to type the email for you.
Unscheduled Overtime
Here’s the fun part — menopause doesn’t stick to a schedule. Just when you think you’re about to clock off, WHAM! Hot flush. Out of nowhere. Doesn’t matter if you’re in a meeting, at the supermarket, or halfway through a conversation.
Then there’s the “random emotional performance reviews.” Crying at a dog commercial…. Laughing uncontrollably at a Facebook meme you don’t even understand….. Yep, your hormones are running the HR department, and they’re drunk on power.
Unscheduled Overtime
This “job” comes with a night shift too, because menopause never clocks out. Insomnia is the cruel manager who shows up at 2am with a clipboard, saying, “Hey, I know you’ve got to function tomorrow, but let’s stay up and think about that embarrassing thing you said back in 1998.”
And on the rare chance you do drift off, restless legs arrive to kick the blankets off in a fit of frustration—only for you to freeze five minutes later because your feet are dangling in the night air. It’s a never-ending cycle of sweat, shiver, repeat.
No Holidays, No Perks, No Retirement Plan
The thing about menopause is… there’s no annual leave. No Christmas bonus. No “long service” leave. You just keep doing the work until your hormones decide they’re done playing games, and even then, the “aftercare program” is pretty unclear.
But here’s the thing — like any job, it has its moments of harmony. Other women in the “office” get it. They understand the chaos, the frustration, and the craziness of it all. And while the menopause job is cruel, it’s also proof that we are strong, adaptable, and — let’s face it — downright amazing.
You might not have signed up for this role, but you’re nailing it anyway. Keep your sense of humour, take your breaks where you can, and never underestimate the healing power of a good vent to someone who understands.
Menopause might feel like a full-time job… but at least you can turn up in your pjs.
Written by Shan